August 5th | Franklin, TN Lifestyle and Documentary Photographer
I never used to have a day of the year that I hated until August 5th happened. This August 5th just three short years ago, I sat at my dad’s bedside with my sisters and my mom and watched my dad die. It was the absolute most difficult thing I have ever experienced. I can relive that moment in an instant any time of day or night. I often see it in my mind when I am alone. I cry most often in my car while listening to my favorite songs on my playlist. I have a few that are make-me-cry-about-dad songs because a good cry is cleansing for the soul.
After his death, I started seeing a Grief Counselor to help me process his long illness, the five years of caregiving before his death (only as an assistant, my mom did the majority of the work), the actual moment of and what all occurred after. My baby girl was just 5 little weeks old when he died, and we had a rough time with milk allergies and tongue ties and breast feeding. She still nurses just a bit before bed, so she’s just fine!
I really believe there is some crazy notion that one should grieve for about a year after losing a loved one. I have no idea where that standard came from, but I sure believed it was true. I now know that I will grieve forever, as long as I am alive, I will grieve the loss of him in our lives. Every family birthday, every anniversary, every moment of pure happiness always comes with that sadness because he is indeed still dead. I never get to hug him again or hear him tell me he loves me. My kids don’t get to learn to fish from him. I can just imagine how his face would light up at these grandbabies!!
It’s just a day, I am okay. I’ve survived this day before, and I will again. I’m trying to honor him today by being a positive person the entire day (I’m just laughing at myself with that one because seriously, taking care of kiddos all day long is serious business, and I’m not a magician, but…) and maybe making some homemade ice cream for the afternoon.
Three pictures of Daddy, one with each of his little ladies. That’s my little fannie in the last one. Love you forever Daddy.
